Level Up Your Social Life: The Gamer's Guide To Social Success by Daniel Wendler

Author:Daniel Wendler
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2016-02-09T00:00:00+00:00

Start to notice your own body language. Remember, your body language sends signals as well. So if you are demonstrating uncomfortable body language, you’re telling other people “something is wrong” or “stay away.” If those aren’t the signals you mean to send, try relaxing and giving more positive body language signals, and see what happens!

Multiplayer Level Five: PVP

World of Warcraft is a game built around violence.

It’s possible to spend many hours roleplaying in Goldshire or trading at the auction house, but when it comes right down to it, most people spend their time in WoW murdering monsters and battling other players in PVP.

After all, that’s the only way to proceed, right?

Well, not if you’re Noor the pacifist. Noor (named after Noor Inayat Khan, a pacifist who aided the French Resistance against the Nazis) was the first WoW character who made it all the way to max level without killing a single other character. While others have come after him, Noor was the first to accomplish this feat—and he did it earlier in WoW’s history, when it was much harder to level without combat.

Noor showed that it was possible to be peaceful in a game where everyone else was being violent. Easy, no. But possible, yes (and rewarding, too!) After all, in a game with 100 million other players, Noor is one of the few who have become famous.

Noor’s story shows an important truth about handling social conflict. When conflict starts, people often move immediately to a me-vs-you or us-vs-them mentality. The assumption is that the only way forward is to win while the other person loses.

When this happens, people start treating each other like enemies. Instead of calmly discussing the problem, they yell over each other. Instead of focusing on the issue at hand, they bring up past arguments, or make personal attacks. Usually when things devolve to this level, the problem never really gets solved—one person gives in to stop the fighting, but remains upset.

But there’s another way. You can choose the pacifist path when it comes to conflict. Instead of treating the other person like an enemy that you need to defeat, you can treat them the way that you’d want to be treated – with respect and kindness. You can avoid hurtful comments, and try to phrase your complaints in a respectful way. You can listen patiently to the other person’s position, and wait to disagree until you’re sure that you completely understand it. Most of all, you can work towards a mutually beneficial solution—where both of you win and nobody loses.

Being a pacifist is not the same as being passive. You don’t need to bottle up your feelings or agree with someone else when they say hurtful things about you. But you do need to stand up for yourself in a way that is calm and respectful, and you need to seek the good of everyone, not just yourself.

This “Noor the Pacifist” approach to interpersonal conflict is difficult to do. When you are upset or offended, it’s easy to lash out.

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